Did you ever wake up one day and realize you had been doing this:
This seems to happen to me quite frequently of late. I no longer want to allow myself the privilege of this sort of thing. Yes, I said privilege. This was a big topic of discussion in my readings for class this week. Out of 10 social categories, I land in the dominant group for nine. NINE. Do you have any idea how much privilege I have? Do I?
Social categories: gender, race, class, nationality, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, physical ability, age, language. Me: female, white, middle, U.S./first world, European, heterosexual, Christian, able-bodied, not elderly, English.
The only category that I can say I have experienced oppression in is gender. And, you know what is funny about it? It doesn’t make me feel any better about my privilege. I actually feel a little sad and disheartened. Until. Yes—I am about to disappoint those of you who think highly of me. Until we start to talk about my kids. Momma Bear doesn’t want them to lose any of their privilege. Not one ounce. Can you say tension? There is tension here. To parallel an example used in the reading, if I walk into my kid’s classroom at school with a bag of pencils, how will I distribute them? Equally? By need? By merit? My kid has pencils. Plenty, in fact. Shouldn’t they go to the kid who has no pencils? You know–the one who cannot afford a pencil. Or, would I worry that my child’s feelings would be hurt, and the pencils should be given to every child, needed or not. Or maybe only the kids who are behaving according to the norms should get a pencil. Are you tracking with me? Because, I am not really talking about pencils. Deciding to take a stand and challenging what our society views as the norm is not easy. So, how do I ask my kid to do it? ‘Yes, kid, I know you feel left out because you did not get a pencil, but little so-and-so doesn’t have any pencils. So-and-so needs the pencils so that he/she can actually have a shot in life. You have to learn that fair is not always equal.’ Ouch.
Let me throw one more zinger out there. How do you feel about the pervasive norm in our country that basically says if an individual works hard enough, he/she can find financial stability? Well. I feel a little discombobulated. On one hand, I can look at my husband and see how he literally pulled himself up out of poverty with hard work. On the other hand, I can look and see that he was only battling against oppression in one social category—class. How would this look if he had been a black man? Or a gay man? Or a Spanish speaking man? Not the same. That is how I think it would look. I think that for some people, hard work is not enough. Now, why do I feel the need to possibly stand behind a shield?
I will end with a quote. It is an old favorite—one I have used in blogs before.
“Knowing can be a curse on a person’s life. I’d traded in a pack of lies for a pack of truth, and I didn’t know which one was heavier. Which one took the most strength to carry around? It was a ridiculous question, though, because once you know the truth, you can’t ever go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. Heavier or not, the truth is yours now.”
― Sue Monk Kidd
